You don't deserve this, BleedingDestruction, & it's not your fault. A good 80% is the bipolar disorder at work--and disorder it certainly is.

Keep in mind that what you are dealing with is (at best guess) a problem of chemicals being in the wrong proportions in your system. Odds are fairly good you got that way with a little help for your genes ... which means a genetic connection. Your family is not, in all likelihood, an example of 100% ideal mental health themselves.

It's taken all your life for your family to become as disfunctional as it is. You all probably need some help figuring out what's really going on, and it's never what anyone thinks it is.

Try, please, to hang onto the fact that this can get better ...
But it will take time, and you may be the most capable person there to keep your cool and get help for yourself, finding first of all a way to "let go" of them so that they are not able to get to you, or "trigger" you, so dangerously.

Please post offen. all you want as much as you want--it's one of our favorite sports . Do it with gusto and get it ALL out!! You are so important, and getting out the anger/frustration is one of the first steps to healing.

Roadie