I saw my T a couple periods, 9 years each time with 9 years between each period. The second time, we did some talking about how it was the first time and at one point we talked about a particular office; in our early years she changed offices often and I followed her around.

This office I loved was beautiful, elegant with tapestries, etc. It was right on a major City street; I still remember when I'm deep in talking about myself and offhand, I notice gazelles and animals like that wandering by across the street, then idly remember I'm on a major City street and suddenly it hits me that there should not be African animals wandering around across the street? The zoo was across the street, I was so into what we were working on I "forgot".

Anyway, I got to remembering and talking about this office and how much I really liked it and my T laughed and explained how it wasn't her office, she was just borrowing it! I had not thought about that (knew we were borrowing the office we were currently in and knew the therapist we were borrowing it from, etc.) and quizzed her about what offices were hers and which not? She rarely had her own office; I think I saw one eventually and was very disappointed (almost "nothing" in it :-) and was glad when we finally settled in a room next door to that one in a "director's" office; she was a very senior therapist and said she had as much "right" to it as he did and they shared it. But it was good furniture, nice light, etc.

My T spent half her year (winter) in her home country and was often gone for 2, 4, 6 weeks throughout the year, some years sometimes even longer. When I would think about how much I paid her a year, I'd usually multiply her weekly fee by only 40, as in 40 weeks in a year. When we terminated, I gave her a glass, desktop world globe, an artist's sand "sculpture" so I could imagine her looking at it and knowing that wherever she was she was somewhere on the globe thinking of me and I was somewhere on the globe thinking of her :-)

I don't think you're batspit crazy! Are you thinking of seeing this T again or what? Why the investment in that T that you aren't taking back?