Desirae,

Sounds to me like your dad really did call hoping to hear the "happy father's day". It also sounds like he only knows how to communicate as a minister & not as a father or just as a plain person. Sometimes when a person has spent their whole life being something they only know how to be that.

For me, prayer is kind of a sore subject. I grew up in a Christian home with parents that were so into religion & thinking that their way was the only way to be a Christian. They actually turned me off of formal religion, especially my Mother.

She was diagnosed with cancer & immediately told everyone in her church & all her friends. She had not taken care of the tumor until it was stage IV & was the size of my fist.....telling me that is was only the size of a small marble a few months before. She started praying that she would be completely healed & told me that everyone else was praying that she would be completely healed too. She told me that she "knew" she would be healed because everyone was praying for that. I also guess that in a chat with her pastor, she told him that she didn't think that I was a christian because I didn't go to church.

After the surgery, her surgeon told her that "he got it all". & she kept telling me that she trusted him because he saved her life...& God had put him there to heal her. I continued to watch her go downhill & her surgeon kept telling us that "he got it all". I knew he was lying but couldn't do anything about it & my mother continued to believe that God was going to answer the prayers to heal her. As she continued to get worse, she continued to ask me when she was going to get better because all the prayers were going to be answered. Her pastor continued to assure her that her prayers were being answered & I kept watching her get worse & worse. How could I tell her that God wasn't going to answer her prayers the way she expected & that he was going to answer her prayers in his own way & it wasn't going to be with the results that my mother expected. After all, she didn't believe that I was even a christian anymore because I didn't go to church. It wasn't until the last few weeks that I had her in a nursing home close to my home & I had the pastor from the church I belong to come & see her. That was when she was told that the cancer had taken over her body but by then her cognative abilities were so bad that she didn't understand what she was being told. I don't think that she ever believed that God wasn't going to heal her in this life because with what little bit of cognative ability that was left, she kept asking me when she was going to get better like she was praying for.

She was hanging on to life so desperately that the night before I had to go back into the hospital to be treated for my weight loss, I took her hands & told her that God was going to answer her prayers the way he felt was right & that the answer wasn't going to be what she expected. I had to tell her that it was important for her to let go & let God take over. I told her that he had a place for her in heaven & that my father was there waiting for her. I was with her for about 1/2 hour before having to leave & I felt a small squeeze from her hands when I finished talking to her. I guess it was her way of telling me that she finally understood what I was telling her & that it was going to ok. I got a call the next morning in the hospital letting me know that she died just after I had talked to her.

I am sorry I got off track from your post......it's just that the subject of prayer is very tough for me. Religion is a difficult issue with parents even when the parent isn't a minister. It has to be a hard situation for you especially when he doesn't even seem to care about your family & just wants to preach at you. I don't know how to fix a relationship like that because people have such strong feelings about religion (expecially a minister) that they aren't much willing to back down & just carry on a normal conversation.

I hope that you will be able at some point to let your father know that you need a father & not a minister everytime you talk & that you will let him know when & if the minister part is needed.

Debbie