Did they know you were abused by this man?

If they do know they may really not know what to say, may think that you would prefer to be distant and not involved with them. Including you in their lives would be very difficult for them, as they never could or in the now know how to releive your pain.

It could be when you suffered a loss, perhaps they felt that any input on their part would only cause you added discomfort so they chose to give you space.

People don't know how to deal with the kind of abuse you are discussing. And when that happens they tend to avoid contact out of a loss of knowing how to respond appropriately. The only way to resolve that is if they sought the advice of a really knowledgable therapist who could guide them and even then that therapist would have to be familiar with YOUR state of mind.

I am sorry that you have anniversaries that remind you of a part of your life where you experienced someone who was very disturbed and abusive. That always leaves scars with us that others cannot understand or know how to respond to.

I don't think anyone has written a book advising what people within this experience could do to ease the pain of those that suffer like you and I and many others.

What would make you feel better, how would you have liked them to respond? Maybe you could write out what could be done to help ease the pain in a situation like this.

I think about this myself, so far, even now, my family hides from it and thinks I should be over it, it is in the past, that was years ago, etc. It has not helped me heal. I would prefer my family at least validate me and offer to listen and ask me what they can do to help me. But when I really take a hard look, I feel there is too much disfunction and ignorance for that to be achieved.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes