|
You're right open, and thank you for always responding so nicely to my posts. It was just so triggering hearing her talk about the things that I so desperately avoid talking about now from my fear. But I do need to overcome this fear, for my sake and for hers. I can't let her grow up with this anxiety. I can already see it rubbing off on her. I hate what my new issues are causing. It's changing her with my changing and I feel so horrible about it. She's not the happy little care free girl she was any more and it is horrible. I hate myself for that. I hate not being strong enough to be the mom I once was for her. I just don't have it in me right now. I don't have that energy. I don't have that any more and I feel so terrible about it. I'm there for her verbally, I'm there for her in being home with her all of the time, making sure her needs are met, I try to take her places to have fun, but I can tell she sees that I'm hurting inside, almost constantly and I hate myself for it. I just want to go back into denial and hiding, go back to distracting myself and acting as if nothing was ever wrong. But I can't get better like that. I have to work through it, I only wish she didn't have to go without a happy go lucky energetic mom because of my problems..
__________________
I'd lock my hands behind my head, I'd cover my heart and hit the deck, I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you.
|