I was avised to keep a journal so when it gets bad I would remember it's not always like that. I think I don't remember or notice sometimes beauty around me or people that would help me if I just remembered they were there. It does feel like I crawl from failure to failure. I don't keep my journal as was suggested. Some days it feels like the clouds are lifting a little bit and I can start to hope and the next day I might not remember that at all. I'll go out walking and some days it's like oh yeah there's wild roses blooming in the ditch. If it's a good day I can appreciate that, on a bad day if I can even make myself notice it that's a victory. I was assigned to walk and write about what I see, feel, hear and smell on my walk in the journal. It made a big difference to use all my senses rather than just plodding along with my eyes on the dusty road telling myself I have to walk out this far before I can go home. So I know it was helpful but sometimes I just can't so I make myself go through the motions anyway. It's always been hard to be a person. I don't expect that to change at this late date.