So, I've been experiencing some freedom from old problems with my mom as a result of my relationship with T. I laid down a boundary with her that I wasn't going to act as her therapist anymore. I visited my parents this weekend, and I held that boundary firm. She blathered on about her calls to a crisis line (because she refuses to get a real therapist despite being well able to afford it). And I made no response. None. She was dead in the water. It felt good.

My dad was another matter. I gave him a Father's day card just saying that I was glad we had a more peaceful relationship than we used to. His response was to say, "Oh that reminds me of when I beat you up when you came out." like it was some sort of neutral memory for him. I feel like I'm in some sort of bizarro world when I'm there. I said, "Yeah, good times," because I was so stunned, and the conversation moved on. Had a decent visit from there on out.

The old man is dying but he still has all these projects he's working on. So, he showed them all to my partner and me. Then, right before he left, he said it reminded him of when I was little and we would walk around our big yard and look at all the progress of the stuff he was growing which is kinda a sweet memory--nice times we had before I started committing the offense of having an independent mind. Out of the blue he says, "Then, came that fateful day when you came to me and said you were going to study philosophy, and I thought 'Jesus, what a horseshit life choice that is.'"

So from left field. WTF! I felt punched in the gut and just said, "I'm gonna go now." I left, but cried and raged the whole hour home about how I was never gonna go see the effer again. Then, there was a sincere apology on my answering machine from him when I got home saying he truly didn't mean to hurt me, that he really enjoyed my visit, and hoped I'd come back. I am so torn. It's like he's retarded when it comes to relationships. If it was almost anyone else, it would just roll off my back but it is hard to just absorb the blows from my own dad's retardation. I don't know what to do or how to respond. I just wish this sh it was easier.