"Fix the problem, not the blame!"

So it's all your fault. Okay, so? Why are you sticking with the broken pieces instead of building anew or fixing or figuring out the problem and ensuring the surroundings and engineering are better this time, etc.

We cannot learn anything unless we make mistakes or "break" things. We cannot understand ourselves under stress unless we are under stress. Think of the testing that goes on with new products; the cars that are driven with unchanged oil until they break in order to make the oil or the cars better; the new tires that seal themselves and get you to a repair shop or the extra gas in a tank after the red light goes on. How and why do you think they got invented? Someone did not take the time to change their oil in a timely fashion, a woman driving at night got a flat tire, one's son borrowed the family car and drove around (true story, my brother :-) and the next driver (me) ran out of gas before they noticed and could get to the nearest gas station.

Depression is not a "problem" it's an opportunity While you work on that self esteem, work on figuring out how to create a bigger self esteem container for yourself. Make sure it's consistent with your other styling :-) I worked on my fears by gaining weight, making myself "bigger" to myself, I could have designed that better I think? LOL Now I'm designing more healthily.