I am thinking of you today, with love. I hope you can rest .... rest helps so much, is a healing thing for mind, body and soul.
I wish too that I could give you the happiness/peace you long for so much, because you do deserve it. Don't give up on the journey toward it, because it is there for you ..... there is help and hope for you.
Perhaps it would help to focus on, hold onto, the fact that you ARE loved here ..... we know you, believe in you, love you, think you are worth it. That is real. And you could find, have, some happiness in knowing and thinking of that?