(((yellowtide))),

These people are incapable of seeing the reality of "you" as well as the abuser. They are only interested in living in their own denial from what you are describing. This kind of situation that takes place in families happens all too often, sadly. And the person that feels so left out and invalidated is the victim.

I have seen this myself. I could not seem to tell my family that I was suffering abuse when I was very little. I felt that "they" would not believe me or that their actions would make my abuser so angry that I would be in more danger. So I did my best to survive in that world of disfunction.

A major loss that I experienced due to a negligent neighbor opened a doorway that I never knew existed. I have been reliving my very troubled childhood in a way I never imagined I could relive it. I honestly thought that I had made peace with my troubled past, and survived it, but all I accomplished doing was surpressing many things I did not have the capacity to process.

I am seeing a reality that I really never recognized before, and yet I did know it, always did somehow. I can't be around my family because I fall into flashbacks and I can't seem to know or predict how I will be around them. And I thought that if I explained it to them that it would make it easier. But the reality that I am seeing is that they don't want to hear it. My family never really had the capacity to deal with it, and now they say how it was years ago and I need to forget it, etc.

In my case my parents are now too old to have the capacity to truely see my reality and validate me. And when I do try to discuss my PTSD and how I struggle, they find a way to be TOO BUSY to listen.

In a way I have actually been becoming more aware of THEIR FRAGILITY and how they protect themselves because they just can't allow themselves to see the truth somehow.

I see that in so many places, even my neighbor convinces himself that he should not be responsible for all the damage his negligence caused me. People use a word to describe people like me, CRAZY. They somehow cling to thinking that it is ME that is the one who is making too much out of MY LOSS AND PAIN.

I have had to come to some kind of peace in realizing that others around me are not going to SEE me or my reality. Well, I have not really come to peace with it, I only know that I have to work towards that. And yes, there is a big part of me that wants to scream out the reality of ME that others simply will not let themselves see, and they actually choose to just group together and consider me the one that CAN'T JUST DEAL.

yellowtide, what you are expressing here is something others experience as well, others who were victims and are now feeling like they are alone and unheard. Yes, it is our reality when we are part of a disfunctional family who can only function in denial. And I see it over and over again in this forum, and there is so much anger and sense of betrayl amongst us, the victims. And the reality, the truth, is that we live amongst so many that choose to remain ignorant and their opinion is that if you cannot maintain the capacity to "just" carry on, function around the disfunction and accept it as "a part of life", then you are crazy and need to get a grip somehow.

Your choice to distance and divorce yourself from these disfunctional people is the only real answer to YOUR SANITY. That can be difficult to adjust to because there is always that anger in how these disfuctional people seem to get away with THEIR CHOICE TO BE DISFUNCTIONAL.

That has been very hard for me to accept as well yellowtide. I am seeing the reality of the disfunction in my own family and I have not been able to be a part of that disfunction anymore. I used to be able to see the "others" around me, say "accept them for what they are" and now I can't seem to do that anymore. Sometimes I feel like "I" am the one that lacks the strength to maintain a composure to "just deal with their incapacities" because I used be be able to do that. With this PTSD I just see and feel too much to be able to "just ignore" like I used to.

I guess the way to finally healing is to accept that these other people are just never going to SEE us or ACCEPT our reality no matter what. And that we cannot change "THEM", all we can do is work on "choosing to be separate from their ignorance and decide that they are no longer going to be a part of our lives".

I have to admitt, I have yet to master that myself. The only thing that I have been able to do is to allow myself to really look at the people in my life that "are" disfunctional. As I do that, I have come to see how each of them have their own history of learning to develope and survive inspite of the "lack" they experienced in their own lives. And often the bottom line is that often people like what you are describing truely do not know "how" to respond to "your reality". The bottom line is all they CAN do is cling to their own unique way of being able to function in "their" reality.

It doesn't matter how many letters you write, how much you feel they "should" recognize "you". What their reality entails is, what they are actually "capable" of seeing or exposing of "themselves" that may effect their abilty to function and thrive.

The bottom line is that with many human beings, there is a lack the ability to sympathize with others unless they actually experience the abuse/trama themselves. So while you and I can sypathize with each other on so many levels, other people that have not experienced our condition and environment tend to, out of lack of ability to know how to address us appropriately, avoid us. "INABILITY TO RELATE" in human beings almost always leads to "AVOIDANCE"and even, "PREJUDICE". No one wants to be in the group that others mark as "unacceptable" or "unworthy" so the effort of many is to practice "denial".

Open Eyes