Lola, yes once I started going to therapy it made me set boundaries that changed the "rules of the relationship" with my husband. It was getting uncomfortable in our home but I talked my H into going to see his own therapist and that really really helped. We are broke but much happier and we are both changing for the positive and we both see how we have sort of fed into each others problems.

We have kids and debt and a house and its not that easy to just go your separate ways. Since you are in a similar situation maybe you could consider this.