Hi Butterflies Are Free,

I was married (now divorced) and was with my ex for 17 years. Looking back it was never good and I know a big factor in being with him for so long is because that is what I thought people did - hooked up with a partner and stayed with them - but how it contributed to my wrecked head.

When the relationship ended I immediately joined a dating site to slot someone into that hole, to feel complete.

But now I have decided to start to embrace being single. While a loving relationship may be great (but for me difficult to find), I am telling myself that I do not need someone else in order to define myself, I am capable of looking after myself and not having a partner does not mean that I cannot go out and do things.

I am trying to seek out things I can get interested in and feel fulfilled by (but definitely work in progress).

There are many people who are single for a whole range of reasons (I remember my aunt was a widow for 30 years and now with my own father dying, my mother finds herself single) and I want to be able to feel OK about myself and not only feel OK by being with someone else. I think once I reach that point, then I am more likely to be in a position to have a balanced relationship and not follow old damaging patterns.

Soup