Thanks, i appreciate you letting me know i'm not alone and others are going through it. I hate to say that i feel better knowing others are going through the same thing because i don't want to sound like i'm happy other people are miserable. I'm not, i don't wish this on anyone. I'm sorry your going through this. It does suck. I did see the website and thank you brownie. I admire the woman who made the website and i think it is a great website and i cried looking at it but at the time i felt like it wasn't helpful because i don't feel its just depression making me suicidal its my life situation and the fact that i can't deal with it anymore, i don't want to. My bf and I are speaking again but i told him i still don't know about this relationship because he says hes going to make trying to save it a priority and he is going to try to change things and he doesn't. So I feel worried that i may have to be alone and struggling and i don't know how i would cope with that. At the same time my living situation is also a factor in my feeling so desperate and my physical health. And i feel like the older i get the worse things are going to be so i don't see hope. Its a daily struggle to get through each day and some days are harder then others. Thanks for responding to me and letting me know you understand i really appreciate it and i hope things get better for you.