I am under intense, immense, incredible stress. I can't handle this huge annoying angry attacking stress. Mom's knee is awful. This surgery is stressful.

My computer is failing, it looks to be a power supply problem, I pray its not my entire computer failing because I had nothing but problems since I got this thing last year. I think it cost around $1,800. It even has an extreme i7 processor. Very powerful machine but it is nothing but problems. When I got this thing last year it kept on freezing on me. Then my monitor started acting weird. Now my monitor and mouse keep on failing.

Then last month we had to get a car. $15,000 worth of payments, adding $300 a month so it is going to make us poorer. I know dad makes a good amount but each year it gets worse financially. I know for an ABSOLUTE FACT that when dad retires, we will live in extreme poverty. I mean $12,000-25,000 for a family of 4, well below the national average of $40,000.

None of the family is functional without mom. Even my own dad can't cook a meal, and neither can I. It gets overwhelming. Sometimes even when I cook a simple TV dinner if it doesn't cook right I don't know what to do and I panic.

Even taking a simple shower is hard for me, it takes too much effort. I take one every other day to every 3 days. There are times where I am so depressed/ stressed that it can even go longer. When I don't take a shower its hard to even brush my teeth everyday, sometimes I go a couple of days without it. There is no way on Earth that I can do it in the morning as well because it takes sometimes hours to get out of bed and i have 0 energy in the morning and then I have to take pills that make me even more tired (and fat of course!).

I can't drive. I can't figure out simple things. My IQ is very low as well (tested between 78-85 depending on the test).

I am completely HOPELESS. Realistic as I call it. Realism means more in touch with reality than the average population. Everything and I do mean everything has been going wrong for the past 2 months. In fact, I can't name something that has gone for the GOOD (well, except maybe all the coverage of E3 {a gaming expo} and watching the trailers for the games).

I know that my new fattening pill has helped me come out of my psychosis but everyday I am still hearing things occasionally. Maybe a couple of times a day. I am definitely NOT happy right now. Nothing but realistic problems. I know when the parents die (and the will probably be in my near... very near future) I will end up homeless. Literally begging for money. I do get SSI but I bet it will be pulled from under me around next year because then it will be 7 years. I think after 7 years I would need a full review of everything but I sometimes appear normal. It will backfire on me.

Oh yeah! A few days ago it looked like my dad was having a heart attack. he couldn't breathe and had severe chest pain. They don't know what it actually was, but sometimes when I get panic attacks I get that as well. He does have angina though. That can lead to heart attacks. I was screaming and cussing away along with crying because I thought FOR SURE that it was it, that he was going to die right there and then.

I have 3 failing companies that no one is interested in. Every time we started a new company, we prayed and prayed that it will save our lives and get us out of the financial mess and have success in my life. In fact, we are so far away from success, I don't even know what that word really means.

No relaxation. Nothing. Just realism laughing at me. I am so stupid and low (borderline intellectual functioning to be exact), that I can't figure out how to help my mom with her special walker. It even has a seat. But how to open it up, and collapse it is too difficult of a task for me, because of my low cognitive level. Even my primary care doctor has written down in his notes, "low cognitive level." Basically total stupidity. If I want to get it right, I am an idiot. In the old days that meant an IQ of below 20. So, that is my daily update.