at the beginning of this year, i told my therapist that i wanted to go deeper in my therapy...

and we have...

just when I think we've hit something that seems at a deep core place, we hit something even deeper and painful.

this is where I am.

and she gave me homework.

i can't do it. it's something i've never really dealt with ... never really acknowledged... just lived in deep deep denial.

i can't do the homework. it just makes me feel so alone... this feels bigger than anything we've worked with...

i want to work through this. my goals are on the other side of this.

i'm not ready for this homework. it's too much too fast.

i don't see my therapist for 2.5 weeks ... so I guess, IRL, i am alone. there's no one to share this with.

i want to escape... to go away... there's too much shame... too much embarrassment... too much of too much.





(i could do with some hugs, if you have them to spare)