My other half has borderline personality disorder and other emotional problems. When we were first together he would continually tell me how his last long term gf never initiated sex. So i was very careful not to make the same mistake as he had pointed out what an issue he found it. But my birthday last year was spent in an expensive hotel for 2 days with him telling me what a monster i was. That i'd be locked up if he went to the police and told them about me; that i molest him and that i was also guilty of attempted rape. I was horrified to discover that when i was initiating sex, (rubbing his thighs, pinching his bum or maybe brush my hand against his genitals while i massaged him) in his mind i was abusing him. I was a monster ! I had occasionally been a self harmer and that wknd triggered me and now i'm covered in scars. We had always be comfortable to be naked around each other, but i now found it wrong to be naked in front of him. He likes to be dominated in the bedroom but i can't do that. I find myself asking if it's ok to touch his arm and never almost never kiss him, he says most of the time joking that i don't hug him anymore. Which is true i'm scared to look at him sexually let alone touch him. And if we do become intimate, after he initiates it and has to almost beg for it, i don't really get aroused. Hell i can't even masturbate if he's in the house and certainly don't do it more that a couple of times a year, even touching myself makes me feel like a deviant. He even told my mother that i molest him I feel like some sick monster, in my head i tell myself that i'm not but if he thinks, feels i'm abusing him then to him i am Sorry really needed to let this out it's been eating me up inside and this is the only safe place to vent.