I start IOP on Wed. I've been there before. Right now I just feel so helpless, worthless, and ruined. I have no hope. I have been so hopeless I am afraid I will always be like this. Always having good times with bad times right after. I am tired of this roller coaster. I don't know what would happen to me if I didn't have family to help support me. I guess I would be homeless and starve. So there is a blessing in that. But I wish I didn't have to rely on others because I get so sick and can't take care of myself.