This may not be uplifting sorry, bad mood, but felt I had to answer:
This makes me want to tell my boyfriend, whom I love immensely, to go away and not waste his time.
One of the things I had to learn was that I had no right to choose who my husband decided to spend the rest of his life with, just like I can't chooses my friend's partners. No matter how old you get your boyfriend doesn't feel he's wasting his time and again you don't get to choose his feelings. Sorry if it sounds harsh but I did a lot of stupid things before I was informed that though he is my love and best friend I can't choose who he cares for.

Pregnancy -My pregnancy was not pretty the fact my husband stuck by me is a testament to how much he loves me. I did not know I had severe bipolar and did not have a support team. I also had a year of ppd but we got through it rather unscathed.

children grow up with a mother who isn't all there (I also have severe anxiety) or passing on the gene for it.
Best advice look for a support team for your family. I did pass the gene to my son, he had MI ramped on both sides. I would say he has a better then “normal” life. He's home schooled to cut back on the daily stress of his disorders. Participating in more fun activities then most children. Yes he has to deal with mental illness and having mentally ill parents. Yes some times he goes to visits family and has tons of fun with it. We have a HUGE support team. He has both parents at home, I feel in the end he'll be one of the most well adjusted child he can be. He's in a therapeutic atmosphere most of the time. He already has better coping skills then us.

Do I feel bad for “doing this to him”: some times, When we feel like bad parents our support reminds us that we have a wonderful child and we are excellent, supportive parents. Even when we don't see it.

Our support team consisting of: individual therapists (3), individual pdocs (3), individual group therapy(1), a dietitian, a GP that works solely works only with MI clients,a family therapist, a couples therapist and karate 3x a week. We have a great family and friend support.