I have always had effective ways of handling the problems and disasters in my life. I’ve bounced back from things that other people would have killed themselves over. My first analyst told me that it was amazing that I’m as sane as I am, considering what I’ve been through. She also said I should write a book about how I overcame the things I did, because she thought my coping mechanisms were very creative and would help other people. (I started to, but I thought it would be too depressing for anyone to want to read)

With regard to my current crises, it’s been two things, really -- I’ve been blindsided by the diagnosis of skin cancer, about a month & a half ago, and then a victimization last week (my car was vandalized by a neighbor. My PTSD has been triggered). I’ve been consumed by the feeling that my life has always been bad/painful, and it’s never going to improve. I’ve been so lost in that concept that I couldn’t get past it. I’ve been angry every day, crying, etc. But I was watching Dr Phil today (good ol’ Dr Phil) who said something that made me begin to snap out of it.

He was talking about coping mechanisms and it occurred to me that, while so many things have been grossly unfair in my life, it doesn’t seem like those things are going to go away, any time soon (things like poverty, persecution, struggle without results, abandonment, feelings of failure, etc.) If these are things that really are going to follow me around my whole life (as it appears), then it’s not about my lousy karma, it’s about HOW TO COPE with those things, when they DO rear their ugly heads (cyclically). Right now, it’s bullying neighbors making me feel persecuted, and feeling like I have bad luck, like there’s no God, because I suddenly got a skin cancer diagnosis (I know that’s because of sun damage, but I’ve never been a sun worshipper! Why me??? ).

My coping mechanisms have always worked for me – pampering myself, buying myself some little trinket in a gift shop or going out to a nice meal, driving up to the mountains for escape, etc. I even gave myself the middle name of Hope, for my 40th birthday (so that I would remember to hang onto Hope when things got bad). Also, last year I wrote and typed up an award for myself, which I framed and put on the wall (I was watching an awards show and I thought, why should only the certain privileged few receive awards? I deserve one, just for not having gone totally bonkers or become a serial killer or something. So I created one, for being a decent, incredibly resilient person) But I’ve strained my coping mechanisms to the breaking point. They’re just not working any more. I need new ones. I’ve asked therapists about that, but have never had a good answer.

Anyone have any coping mechanisms they can tell me about, that I can try? (Keep in mind that I’m unemployed, so jumping on a plane and taking a long weekend in the Berkshires, while I’m SURE that would be refreshing and take my mind off my problems, just isn’t financially practical, at the moment) As with everything else in my life, money would solve everything – I could move out of this apartment and out of California, if I had enough money. Get that cottage in the country I want so much, start a small business of my own, etc. But, not having won the California State Lottery, I don’t have that luxury. So, on an AFFORDABLE scale, what do other people do, when they’re harpooned by life, and they need to cope? Thanks. (This is me, beginning to bounce back…I have to believe I'm getting better. Until the last year or so, I would have wallowed in self pity and anger for weeks or months before I started to crawl out of that hole. Hooray for me! I rock!! )