****TRIGGER****

Ok, this is something I've been really worried about lately. I hope the urgency in this thread title wasn't alarming but I'm scared. This is just so awful but I need help with it.

I love animals, don't get me wrong. I love bears and cats especially. I have two cats of my own, and a dog. Lately, though, for whatever reason, I've been having the worst intrusive thoughts about what it would be like if I hurt them I've even had thoughts about what it would be like if I hurt my family.

PLEASE know that I would never act upon these thoughts - they are not urges. Please please know that. I love my pets and I love animals, so why am I having this problem? Why do I get homicidal thoughts about what would happen if I were to stab my family? What is wrong with me?

I pray that I never end up like one of those serial killers that hunts baby animals before moving on to people. I don't want to do this! I don't want to have these thoughts. I'm worried that that might change some day, though.

Something that I never told anyone and am afraid to post here is this...when I was very young, about 5 or 6 years old but old enough to remember...I remember taking a pair of scissors and "trimming" my cat's whiskers. At some point I vaguely remember sticking them in her ear and I think I actually cut part of her ear. She was bleeding and I was scared...I remember not actually wanting to hurt the kitty, I was just curious about what would happen.

Is there anyone that can help me make sense of this? I am sitting here in tears and freaking out because I know what I did is bad and scary and makes me a dangerous person. I keep having these images run through my mind of me doing that again to my cat even though I DON'T WANT TO. I don't want to...I don't want to have these thoughts.

I just want some advice. I'm not exaggerating, I'm not lying or trying to draw attention to myself...I'm scared.