No! At a time like this it's when you should especially be here- you sound like you need some support! You sound like you're suffering from severe depression. I was like that before I got on medication- all those negative thoughts can drive a person crazy. Sticking it out alone often doesn't help. I kept thinking I was ok until I wasn't. Then I finally sought help. I hope you at least think of talking to someone. I hard there are places you can go and talk to therapists for free- Doc. John has an old post linking to a discount code for insurance or something (I forget exactly at the moment). Sending you much and many .
Feel better, and I hope to see you on here again soon!