Have you asked him why he considers what appears to be normal sexual affection to be abuse, especially when he complained about his ex never initiating sex? I think he's tied you up in knots and now you don't know which way to move! Time for a serous sit-down. Tell him that your initiating sex is not abuse (unless he is underage) and he needs to keep your sex life private. Is there any way that this is part of some kind of sexual fantasy (i.e., he wants to be abused) tied in to the domination?