I'm so very glad you resisted crashing the car - especially with your dad there as well. Crashing the car is something I always find very tempting myself. I always try to remember though that I could injure or kill many other people this way, other drivers, emergency workers who would be called to the scene, etc. I wouldn't want to hurt any of them.
I'm really glad you've got the fourth of July parade to look forward to! That sounds really fun. Do you think you might be able to plan something else to look forward to after that? To keep yourself motivated towards the future?
I've spent a lot of time thinking about dying, and I've tried to several times. But one thing I've learned to do is to take notice of any time I feel happy. When I do, I remind myself that I could have missed it if I'd been successful. This reminds me to remain curious. I'm curious to see what will happen, even when I'm not optimistic. And that keeps me here.
Please take care of yourself. Thanks for posting.