ok, so in the last 8 months my life has fallen apart, iv lost my brother, my uncle and my grandma has been diagnosed as terminal...
on top of all of this the truth about my past has come out, i was abuse as a child by my dads best friend, i kept it a secret for so long as i was scared of what my dad would do, for years my mind tried to hide the truth, making me doubt my memories, making them seem dream lik, even though i knew that they werent everytime i thought of this memorie i felt sick and horrible inside, i felt dirty.

after quite a few years i met a friend, she had been abused and suffered the same kind of feelings, doubt, fear, avoidence.
eventually i confided in her and my mother and step fther i swore them to secracy i also told my sister as i thought she would understand.
as the years went by i started to get better, i started to feel like i was in control again, then this year just after my 19th birthday i discovered something, he hadnt just done it to me but to his own daughter, repeatedly, finally i thought, someone who can help me (selfish i know), i spoke with her and she was so sympathetic, so apologetic and then she told everyone what id confided in her, then denied she had ever admitted her abuse.

in short everyone now knows, my dad has forced me to go to the police, im just waiting for them to finish investigating, im having to relive everything, i cant keep track of my moods im up im down im terrified im angry and everything inbetween, i dont undersstand whats happening to me, and some nights i pray i just wont wake up in the morning.

im starting to question everything about myself, and im doubting myself worse than ever, im pushing everyone who could help away even though i know its stupid i cant help doing it, i dont trust any of them. i dont know what to do!