So I doubt I will actually bring it up with T, I'm far too content living in chicken s--- land. But maybe having it in the back of my mind will get me somewhere at some point in the way off distant future.

How do you talk about the T relationship? I sent T a message to book an appointment this week and once we had a time worked out she sent one back to confirm. It went along the lines of, "Fine then, you are booked for Thursday". From that short message I got "She is mad at me and doesn't want me to come every week. A few weeks ago, when I missed a week, she thought that was better. My problems should be fixed by now and she's frustrated that I keep coming back. I'm don't have issues that require weekly sessions and I'm asking too much."

I can't imagine telling her all that. We've never talked about anything between us the way some people say they discuss the T relationship. Maybe mine doesn't believe in such thing. Maybe were not supposed to have a relationship at all.

There's just so much that comes across my mind that I can't open my mouth about. I never did tell her I lied to her (fretted about it in a post a few weeks ago). I feel like I'm failing at therapy because I'm clearly no good at any of this