Is there a reason you are against the idea of medication? It sounds like you are going through an extremely tough time right now, and meds have many short term benefits, especially to help make therapy less stressful. It doesn't mean you necessarily need to be on them forever. As for the lying, my signature use to say "lying to run, and running to lie". It's one of the side effects of cutting that people often don't think about. Everything becomes about lying and hiding and shame. One lie will just lead to more, and the farther down this road you travel the more shame you will feel and the more lies you will need to cover up. Eventually you'l probably lie to those you are being honest with right now because you don't want to scare or worry or lose them. I would really stick with your T for now, and discuss possible treatment options and alternative coping strategies.