saw T today
for the first time since going to therapy I ended up dissociating after session and was unable to leave the bathroom. The protector part of me wrote a dumb email after we got back and asked T for another session this week. I didn't see it until after lunch. I wrote back and said not to mind since we will be ok and that part is too motherly anyway. some serious anger right now but no direction out. I want to tell everyone in my life to shut the F up and just vanish. Right now I seriously hate that T and everyone alive including myself most of all. Who cares anyway. Not me. Not any longer. Won't do anything to harm self since humans look down on that and think it is selfish. So will just drink. I might be expected to stay alive but I will not do it any longer sober.