He had a tumour and had internal bleeding, he was put down by the vet because she said he would have gone into shock and died anyway.

Maybe I should explain he was not "exactly" my dog. My aunt has always lived locally, now she lives next-door-but-one, and Dexter was actually her dog, but when she got him she said that I could have "half" of him, if you get what I mean, I could share him, and recently, I have been seeing him every day and I have watched him grow up, and I think of him as being mine, and he does - i mean did- definitely love me, and when I was badly depressed he knew I was upset and tried to comfort me, and I used to go to the dog club with him, and I have played with him over the years, and that's the problem it was just so sudden, he was ill yesterday, and he died today. there was no preparation. I knew he would die soon, 11 is old for such a big dog, but he was exercised several times a day, and my best friend, her family has a dog, a mongrel, nothing like dexter, never exercised, and that dog is 13 and still alive and my Dexter who has had such a healthy active life died before it! Why? Why? it is so unfair that such a healthy dog can die before a dog which is far unfitter! it is just not fair!

My cousin (who lives locally) has a Yorkshire Terrier, which is a small dog, and the dog (called Penny) is 9 and was brought up with Dexter until 2 years ago when my cousin moved out of my aunt's house, so Penny obviously knew Dexter well, and admired him, and now she picks up on our gloomy moods and feels upset herself that her beloved Dexter is missing, and doesn't understand what is happening. I just sometimes wish that it was Penny that died, not Dexter. I have always loved Dexter more, even though I do love Penny too. But Dexter is more of an affectionate dog than Penny is and I like affectionate dogs.

It just doesn't seem real that Dex is gone forever, I keep thinking he is alive and it will be all ok, I won't have this situation with him again until he is older. I wanted him to get to 13, since my friend's dog reached that age, and I wanted her dog to die before Dexter. I just want to stroke his head, the top is so soft and silky and feel the thick fur around his neck, protecting it, and I can't, he's not there anymore. I want to stroke his side, and have him offer me his paw to be stroked, and tickle his belly, and have him play tug-o'-war with me, and brush him again. But I can't because he is gone, and he was such a lovely dog, a very gentle temperament. He was so protective around my aunt, my cousin and me, more so when we were together, he wanted to protect us, since we are all female. And he loved running, recently my aunt has taking up jogging and Dex has gone with her and me sometimes too, we were trying to teach him to recognise "Joggie-Joggie" as for when we were to go out for a jog. Those who have dogs know they recognise such terms as "Walk" and saying "Joggie-Joggie" was just a bit of fun, like we said "Going for a joggie-joggie Dexter? Joggie-joggie?" we thought it would be so funny if he learnt to recognise such a stupid term. I just remembered, when he was a pup and hadn't yet learnt his name, I was young, about 7 or 8, and I kept on calling to him names, like "come here, Susan!" and he still came, i thought it was so funny that he wouyld respond to a girl's name, i didn't realise until I was older that he had responded to my tone not to the words I said. And he was such a timid dog sometimes too: a large Alsatian, and he was frightened of: roadsweepers, vacuumcleaners, microwaves, fire, fireworks, water above his shoulders...when he was younger he didn't like hissing either.

So horrible to think I don't have him any more. I counted him as a friend.