Hi C..I am so sorry you are having to cope with the after effects of Suicide, and what you went thru in your marriage. I can relate somewhat to what you have gone thru, I caught my Mother trying to kill herself as a teenager, and I found my next door neighbor's body after he used a gun to committed suicide around the same time frame. So, I have allot of understanding how witnessing these acts effects a person's mind and heart.

I have just ended a marriage of 28 years to a person with a rage disorder, who would not take his meds, and it only got worse. He was hospitalized a couple of years ago, after he became so enraged and depressed that he wanted to kill himself, and me too.. after that he came home ...he stopped taking the meds..his attacks worsened..and I came home to him constantly talking about Suicide..I was always walking on eggshells, and he refused to get treatment, if I suggested it, he would become violent, and aim it at me. My adult daughter and fiancee witnessed some of this, and was scared that one day he would kill me then kill himself..

After an extremely bad bout of this cycle, he left the house after he injured my arm as I was trying to call the police..then I filed for a divorce...and you think it would be an easy thing to come to..but it wasn't..I think I will feel something for him because we were married for so long..and I dont hate him...I hate the behavior..and since he refused to seek help..there really wasn't a choice..

So I understand where you are..and you have my thoughts and prayers as you continue to battle the nightmares and symptoms. Is there a support group in yor area for survivors of loved ones who committ suicide? I know some areas have these, and I hope you are talking with a therapist...Take care C...welcome to the PC forums..and PM me anytime..

EV