Lola,
I am sorry you are going through a difficult time. I am struggling with T as well, and your question resonated with me.

Why have you chosen to leave T? How long have you been your T?

I too hope it is possible to get to the other side, but I am presently of the mind set that ignoring the past is what has gotten me in this hole. So I will continue to try w/ T for now, even though I can't yet bring myslef to talk about it...

Wishing you peace.