This last session when I was triggered, part of the trigger was that I say something desperately wanting clarification from T and she sat there with what I said and her silence stun to feel unbearable. I felt I was left again with my own interpretation of the situation I managed to find the courage to tell her about. Something I had seen her do a few wks ago which stuck in my head
s do
So I begin to drift away into pain and torment and desperately want her reasuurance and don't know how to ask for it without feeling stupid and she doesn't give it. So I finally say "how do I deal with this thinking" and she says simply "reassure yourself" ffs!!! If I could I would.

I need her to say words. I feel I've communicated this to her before needing her to verbalise reasuurance. She did once and asked if that would help and I said yes because when my head is up my Arse I can think back to the words. But then it's back to normal again her keeping verbal communication to its bearestest. She'll probs say "that's how you were left as a child".

Maybe but I need her to walk me through things like she's teaching me my ABC again. I need her words of reasuurance.