Not sure about "the other side." I am 65 years old and have always been able to make something positive come from a lifetime of abuse...Childhood: Never knew my father, abusive mother (verbal and physical), poverty....120-year old tenement house with cockroaches and rats, snow which came in thru a crack in the wall. .....no phone car, refrigerator, tub or shower.......had my hand held over an open fire by a drunken neighbor woman .

Molested by a drunk neighbor.......joined the army right out of high school and "married" the original abuser and tried to fix the past.

Found the courage to get a divorce after 31 years of abuse.

Then was voted out of membership in my church, with my name up on a big screen, followed by the words, "Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God. ...there is much more, but will stop here.

My point in telling my story is that as children we have no choices, but as adults we do.

I did as much "homework" to heal from the past as I could and my goal was/is to live, live, live..."livin' is hard dyin' is mean, get all of the love you can...in between."

I am EXcruciatingly lonely...for the past 8 years since the divorce, but I make the best of what I have. I am a Freshman in college because I wrote about my life and won a scholarship.

"The past is always present." As my friend (the t ) says: "Who do you want to be and how do you want to get there?!

You have to remember: those feelings of guilt, shame, etc....do NOT belong to you; they belong to the abuser(s)...We all need de-programming to recognize the difference between OUR stuff and someone else's stuff.

Unfortunately, those are old tapes and difficult to shut them up; they are lies someone else told us; if we are to ever find any peace and enjoyment in life, it is imperative that we work on that; even if we have to write some kind of statement 100 times a day: The guilt is not mine. I did nothing wrong. I am going to find a way to put the blame and shame where it belongs!

Okay, off my soapbox now!