Your children are angry because they have no power to get themselves free of abuse, so you must do that Abusers are angry at issues they have never dealt with. It has nothing to do with you, although it is ALL directed at you.

They are like vampires and need their "fix" their fix is constantly blaming you (or others) so you will constantly defend yourself. He can't argue with you if you stop responding and I know how hard that is.

Abusers never take responsibility for their behavior; they are narcissists and stop maturing at about age 12-13, so you are literally dealing with a child.

No, killing yourself is no the answer. Take action; when we are in limbo, that is the worst place to be.