hmmmmm... let's see if I can explain this to be understood the way I mean it to be. It's a thought that has come from a couple different therapists.

When one behaves a particular way-- such as holding a grudge or not forgiving-- there is usually something the person is getting out of such behavior.

Here's a few things one might get out of not forgiving:

1) holding on to the hurt -- to remind the partner how they felt when it all happened-- fear it will be forgotten.

2) being suspicious of the partner -- in order to be prepared if the hurt happens again.

3) not letting go of the pain as it has become a way to not get close again--kind of like a shield.

4) holding the wrong against the partner since that is what gets their attention

Everyone one is different as is every reason to behave in a particular way--- Do you think that perhaps you are getting something out of not forgiving? If so, what could it be?

just something to think about....... not meaning you apply to any one of those I mentioned.

I wish you well and inner peace.