Mostly, I just need to type this out so I can decide what to do...

I've gone to every other week sessions, rather than weekly. Last week was the first session after the change, and now I don't have a session this week. However, I'm really struggling today! I had to do something very triggering for me yesterday, and I got through it, and I thought I was fine. Now, it's hitting me and I'm "not so fine." T knew about this thing, and she asked me to text her and let her know how I was doing afterwards. So, yesterday I texted her that I was fine...and I really thought I was.

I know T is still available for me to call or email. I know that just because we've gone to every other week, she's not abandoning me. At the same time, I feel like I'm supposed to be able to handle this on my own now. I feel like I told her I was fine, and she thinks I can manage this, so I should be okay and not freaking out. But - I'm NOT fine...I'm dissociating quite a bit. I want to call T for help, but feel like I should be able to get grounded again on my own. I know T would tell me to stop thinking of all the "shoulds" and just do what I need to do for myself. I'm really not sure what I need, though. Do I need T's support right now or do I need to work through this on my own?

Soooooo frustrating!!!