I understand this oh so well. It is incredibly painful, and excruciatingly difficult. And the most important thing - the most difficult thing - is to take a step back and remember that this is a valuable opportunity to learn and grow. To understand yourself, and to work towards doing things differently.

When my T and I had that awful rupture, it was incredibly difficult to face my part....and to acknowledge it and truly own it. It felt nearly impossible to store it away between sessions, although my T encourages me to stay active - to go out and live, to focus on releasing that toxic energy by exercising or doing something active. And while in session, work hard to understand what led to what happened, my thoughts, my feelings, my actions and the impact it had on him and those around me. All, very important things.

Ultimately, you will get past this - and may even look back on it as a wonderfully valuable experience.