My session was one of those good but not too good ones! I realized I like them better than the intense, triggery sessions where I feel too much about my T. Why it was okay this time I'm not sure. My guess is because we were not going into the past, we didn't do EMDR, and the child parts weren't present. That's good to know. I think the needy child wants my T to take care of her, and that gets mixed up with adult needs (my first T told me that also), which leads to those "too good" feelings, which are more frustrated feelings than "too good".

T explained more about the Self, and how she's still trying to build up my self energy so that I don't need it to be "about her". She told me what her meeting was, and then we discussed why it bothered me not to know. I talked about my threads here, and how I get upset when people have different opinions from me, and I question what I believe because I don't have enough confidence to stick with my opinion. I'm easily swayed, and I usually think the other person is right, and I'm wrong. At the same time, I get defensive.

We talked about how I can get those "good feelings" I want from my Self and from other people, and how I'm trying with my H, but it's not working yet.

I told her about seeing her on linkedin and how I immediately got into my obsessive, triggery thinking about her. Then, with MUE's suggestion, how I used CBT to change my thoughts and therefore my feelings. T liked that, how I reframed and how my Self could lead the part, instead of letting her take over.

The best thing about the session is that T asked who said it is the "new therapy"? I said that I did. She insists she is not changing anything except for having me open my eyes during EMDR. So, I said we are, but I didn't disagree too strongly since she reassured me we're not.

She asked if I come on this site every night. I said yes, and didn't tell her it's more than at night. She thinks it might be getting to be an addiction. I agree but don't think it's something I want to cut down on yet.

We talked about my eating, which is something I've never brought up before because she's so thin. I told her she wouldn't understand, but she said she understands if I eat for comfort. I also said I like food!

All in all, I had a good session. Not too heavy, but I feel it was productive and what I needed. I wasn't angry and I didn't cry in the car.