((((Sea)))), I agree with you. I don't think they should ever even whisper that "I'll never leave you". Meh. Maybe that is a form of T that thankfully I've never experienced. IMHO, I think it's a horrible way to try to gain someone's trust. Everyone leaves. At some point. I mean, it would be lovely if we lasted forever and nothing changed, but WTheck?

My T sort of slipped it in (that she was leaving) a few sessions ago. She didn't come right out and say it, either, but I heard her slip it in and read between the lines.

I burst into tears, hugged her and left that session (she is my only female "friend" IRL that I can talk to so I felt sad she was leaving).

Then, at the next session, we talked about it. I asked/clarified that she really WAS leaving to go to another practice. She confirmed it.

Then, we threw around some ideas on how to deal with it until she leaves. I was pretty clear that I wanted to speak with someone else. pronto (because I didn't want to get started on a whole new topic, be on the cusp of another break-through, and then have her be gone. while we are right in the middle of things). That would not be good. She said she would speak with the head person and work on it.

My T never said "I won't leave" but she always said I could "trust" her when I was scared to death ... and that mattered a lot to me. THAT is what kept me going week after week, doing all the homework, reading, etc.

Then she cancelled our appt last week It was horrible timing because the day before I was majorly triggered.

I was coping the best I could, but just hanging on by a thread. I felt sort of left out in the cold because she is the only person in my life that knows about any of this stuff that I am struggling with

The weekend was delightful: I was having flashbacks, memories, not sleeping, couldn't eat, anx/miserable (majorly triggered), struggling to maintain my head above the water, not feel angry that she cancelled (to give her the benefit) AND figure out how I was going to make it until our next session. She didn't check in with me at all, and I wasn't even sure she was coming back, so I called to find someone else.

I am a "runner" too in that I do a disappearing act when something happens, and I feel as if I cannot trust that person anymore. So I'm having a hard time reconciling all of this.