Oh, well, 15 is too young to understand the environment you are discribing. And it is not easy to just call a friend and be able to have them relate either, so yes, I am sure you feel alone, scared and confused as to what to think or how to behave in that kind of fragile atmosphere.

I don't think that it is so much that the only one allowed to have issues is your mom, I just think that your father and if you have other family members are just as confused and concerned as you are.

Tell me, is your mother seeing a therapist? Because if she is, maybe you could see if you can sneak around and get his name and when you get a chance call him and ask him if you can talk to him.

If you can talk to him, maybe he can explain to you how to help and support your mother and though he himself cannot help you, (I learned from my therapist that therapists can not take on more than one family member for therapy, at least not where I am) he may be able to talk to your father and suggest that you see a therapist too. It always helps to find an adult with an authority on mental health to be your advocate in helping you get your parents to recognize that you need guidance too.

I have to be honest, I have been struggling with PTSD myself and I really wish that therapists would make it a point to see that ALL family members be educated on how to understand and support the family member who is struggling with mental illness.

It is a known fact that when a family member, especially a parent struggles with mental illness it directly effects the other family members, especially the children. It is just not fair that a therapist, if your mother has one, should overlook this important factor in your mother's environment. And that is what happened to me, and it would have made it easier for me if my family understood what I was struggling with and could be supportive and I would not have had to feel so guilty that I was unable to just be my normal self.

It is so important to have COMMUNICATION in families, it makes such a big difference. Your needs are genuine and you deserve to learn about your mother's struggle and also how YOU can manage your own feelings about it. Lets face it, you already know it frightens you. So that can be relieved by you being informed and also have someone available to you that you can talk to that can understand your concerns and struggles.

So keep on pushing for that. Do not accept any "this is not about you sentiments" because that is WRONG.
You are definitely right about your needs and should pursue them. You are going to learn right now how to be assertive and get your needs met which will also help your mother as you will not be afraid to approach her, you can learn how to actually support and help her, and that will make you feel more empowered yourself.

((((Hugs))))
And you can come and talk anytime you need here.

Open Eyes