I don't know why I am writing this. I came across this forum on random from a google search. I feel pathetic even talking about my issues, let alone seeking advice. As Boston so eloquently put it, I'm just looking for a little peace of mind.

I just turned 27 the other day. I have been living with social anxiety, panic disorder, and agoraphobia for over 10 years. The constant panic attacks caused me to drop out of high school and college thereafter. I have never held a job. I don't drive, I have a very bad fear of driving. The pressure that is involved can be too much for me to take. Being responsible for another persons life and well-being is just too great. Any mistake and i could hurt someone, I could get distracted and go into the other lane and hurt somebody. What if i drive poorly, other people will take notice... It just causes me to go into panic overdrive. Even writing about it and thinking about it is causing hot flashes and sweating... I have been like this for as long as i can remember. I have tried medicine, i have tried meditation. Everything I have tried has had very little effect on me.

I have zero income. I live with family members. They all look down on me, think of me as a burden. Which i am. From one house to the next, until they get tired of me. I am too terrified to even go grocery shopping alone. How am i supposed to work? Nobody understands how crippling it is. Everybody thinks i am a loser. Which i am. I am a 27 yr old man, i am afraid of strangers. I am afraid of unknown environments. I am ashamed of myself, of who i have become.

In the time i have spent doing nothing, i could of studied for a degree. I could be living my life, with relationships and everything that makes life wonderful. However i am stuck at home, looking out my window, remembering the times before i had this problem. Wishing i could be as carefree as everyone else; So fearless.

The days have begun running together. I wake up and forget what day it is. Sometimes even what month it is. Its not that my memory is bad.. Sometimes I remember things, and i think they happened yesterday, but it was over a month ago. I remember with such clarity, yet it wasn't recent. Is this a sign of something even worse?

I find myself lost in wonderful fantasies. In which i live a life which isn't my own. I play out these fantastic stories in my mind. I will do so for hours a day, watching these mental movies of a life I dream of. Eyes closed, laying in silence. I feel as if this isn't normal and perhaps i am delusional. How long until i forget who i am and start thinking these false realities are real? Would that be so bad?

I post this for mostly morbid curiosity, is anyone else like me? I have done everything in my power to wedge myself from society, but here i am seeking someone i might share common traits...