. Why do I find myself in so many relationships where I'm attracted to people who have boundary issues. I also have fantasies of T abusing me [/quote]

This is similar to my story.I had to read your post twice thinking I could have written this. I believe we are healing and in this journey we now recognise people/friends who 'cross the line'. In order to get it right we need to be firm about boundaries then the next step will come easier. This process you are going through right now is recognising whats good for you and whats not. Its OK to place all your needs first. You must be happy and you are very important. You are on the right track.Theres a couple of books written by Sister Renee Pitelli, its a guide on how to live and be happy , she too went through what we did. Everyday when I read a chapter I go 'Wow', Im normal....In short the book tells us its only right to place you as the most important personb and your kids and husband of course...
Dont worry about your friend.In my case I turn down people politely and not bother what they say about me behind my back....I sure they do but what the heck,Im on my journey.....and Im number one!