After going through an intake appointment, and an initial treatment plan appointment, I finally was able to spend some time speaking with my therapist today. I found myself back in therapy again after not being able to regain control of my life since my daughter's assault last September.

Prior to that I had been able to live quite happily for several year without any type of psych meds but after the assault I headed into a tail spin. I went back on medications this past December. Since they don't seem to be working, I was in the hopes I might be able to be referred to an MD to tweak my meds or even change them. (i don't have private insurance)

Well, during today's session, spiritual life, as well as the 12-step program came up. I explained to her that I had spent 5 years very active in AA back in the early 90s and considered them the best time of my life. I attended meetings at least 4 or 5 nights a week and sometimes more than 7! I had a great group of friends who were not only sober, but were actually had sponsors and were working the steps. Not long after picking up my 5 year medallion i began to wonder if my addictions actually laid in the alcoholic area and maybe they belonged elsewhere as in OA. Though I knew I had addictive tendencies, I no longer felt I was an alcoholic. (and I know, I know - stinking thinking) But it didn't feel that way at the time...i had NO desire to drink, I just wanted the option there.

Okay, i'm going on too much. So, during my session today, I found that I actually lit up and smiled remember my time in AA and she suggested that I go back. i told her I didn't feel I could go back since I still don't think I have a problem with the drinking. (omg, do i sound like a newcomer or what!lol) She then asked me if i remember why we come to AA and yeah, i did.

It's not so much how much or how little we drink. Our lives have become unmanagable. - I know that's not a direct quote, but i think you get the drift. And my life is definitely unmanagable. So, I'm thinking I may have been wrong all those years ago, and need to drag my *** back to meetings. It's going to be harder this time as I'm living in a new location and no longer have those old AA friends to look to for support. I'm excited, scared, and all the other emotions that come with the steps I'm about to take. My biggest hope, I guess, is that I don't compare this time in my life, to when I was there last and can see this as a new beginning.