But it's so hard to do that, because they're really dangerous. And they get me put into restraints. Yes even at Sheppard Pratt. As soon as we got put into the restraints the part left and let me have the brunt of it. They let me out in five minutes time, but then you have to feel guilty for traumatizing the other patients there. So it's all just to punish me and the parts who like living. So to let them go would mean to go through a whole mess. And the staff make you feel really guilty for traumatizing the other patients for getting a code called, they like call you out in group, like you can stop it or something. I can't control it! So I don't want to even deal with that guilt. Because that part doesn't deal with it. I do. And I'm coconscious for that stuff, so it still traumatizes me, because I have no control over it. And Dr. L doesn't like when the parts act out, he gets really annoyed by it. He's not even my doctor, but one time he walked by my room when my one part was doing bad things and he said in a really annoyed tone "HEY! WILL YOU STOP THAT!?"

So I don't really feel 100% safe letting those parts take over "the body" as they don't take very good care of it. They hurt it. I feel like I have to stay in control. Morning and night. On constant watch. It's draining.