I currently trying to get him back to counselling

and trying to educate myself more about bpd, and it's scary because i've just read that threatening jail time is something that can happen. To the extent where a child with bpd may ring and report to the police etc that they are subjected to abuse just because they were sent to their room !

I'm guessing it's the extremes of bpd but my other half clearly at the time was at the extreme. And I'm well aware I'm making another excuse for his behaviour but everyone has walked away (run or pushed away) and i'm trying hard not to. But it's ultra hard especially when i'm on my knees crying my eyes out with him stomping round me raging, call me every name under the sun, making feel like a monster and then telling me i the cause of everything

but i'm still fighting the fight or flight urge.