Quote:
Originally Posted by Fixated
Saw T for the first time in five months yesterday after being away. I was super anxious to be back there just talking again, not to mention that we had drama 3 weeks before I cam back where I felt desperate and asked my T for help. It just happened to be a holiday weekend (which I did not realize), so she said I could email, but that she couldn't set aside specific time or guarantee a response. I waited until holiday was over and then told her to forget about it. When she agreed, it pissed me off because I just thought if I meant anything to her she would realize I hate asking anyone for help and it was important and would have tried to set something aside. I sent a pretty scathing email.
Anyway, that's all she wanted to talk about yesterday on my first day back. I was hoping to just try and reconnect before delving into such a divisive issue. She said I set her up (which is probably true). She also said (rather condescendingly) that I never think of it from the other person's perspective. What it might be like to have someone constantly say you don't care and rebuff your attempts to help. She started to say she was angry but amended it to upset and frustrated.
No connection. No warmth. No compassion. Only challenge and coldness. I have this strong urge to email or text if only so we could get on better footing because this is affecting me in a greatly negative manner today. Unfortunately, she just left for vacation today. I don't want to bother her, and it would seem like such a repeat of the original offending issue.
What do you do when T is upset with you?
It would be one thing if we'd had a working connection. Idk.
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It's hard, but this happens in life
You will get on better footing, but it's important to stay with it and work through it and gain the useful knowledge that is there. It's important to look at the communication that took place: That you told her never mind, so she did. Then came the magical thinking that she 'should' know you didn't really mean what you said and that you needed something different. Another response to her could have been to say that telling her to forget it was not what you really want, you really do need to talk with her about what was going on.
It is one of those issues that is good to put yourself in the other person's shoes and imagine someone telling you to do one thing, but expecting you to read their mind and do something else. I feel frustrated when I think about it.
This is temporary and it will get better. It's important to focus on now and to not brush aside. It will feel really good to get through it and see that the relationship can survive and even thrive.