I like what Echoes had to say about the original incident, where you "magically" expected your T to be able to read your mind rather than Trust Your Words. Part of what seems wrapped up in that is that you seem to have some rules about what people who "care" about you do for you, and that will mess you up in relationships big time. No one will ever pass any test you have for them if "caring" automatically means that they must do x, y, or z or they don't "care." The other issue that seems to be lurking around you is that you feel you are entitled to have what you want, because It Is So Difficult For You to Ask. This is interconnected with your magical thinking about your T, she should know how hard it is. She may, but that doesn't mean that she will say this to you, or that you are owed anything special because of this.

I do think that you are working hard on these issues, but you may be off track by focusing on taking "blame" or falling on your sword or whatever with your T. Understanding it from her perspective only requires that you get the effect of your actions on others. I believe you can stretch yourself to see how a "scathing email" could be upsetting to someone no matter what. I've been both on the receiving and sending side of these. Reread your email and imagine that a friend sent it to You. How would it make you feel? It's not about blame, it's about understanding the emotional reactions and distorted cognitive beliefs that led you to write that email, and to have such a difficult time getting what your T is saying. She has a right to be angry when someone complains to her that she didn't do something she should have, despite being directly told the opposite. And she has a right to be angry about being accused of something she doesn't do (not care). Haven't you ever been falsely accused of something, or haven't you ever been in the situation where someone didn't believe what you said? That's the spot you put her in.