Wow, your mother has a lot of challenges, and she probably has PTSD as a result of that childhood trama. It sounds like she has never found a way to heal from that, and it is not easy and what you discribe as her many ailments are most likely from the YEARS of never getting the REAL help she needed to deal with her past. If you dont have the right kind of therapist, all the therapy in to world will not truely help and only be a bandaid.

Now, it is a fact that people who are around this kind of person can present with secondary PTSD. And most likely your father has this and you can have some of this yourself. And you are right, it IS important that you get the therapy YOU need to sort this out in YOUR mind.

If you ARE going to be around this art teacher, you should continue to share and see if she can help you to finding your way to a therapist that YOU can have to help you with what you are experiencing in your family environment that is disturbing YOU.

You are absolutely right, your family should have been having counceling to help each of you deal with this situation. So all of what you are feeling is on target with your needs. And YOU are the only one that is seeing this in this disfunctional atmosphere, this is not unusual. But I am here to say, yes you are very right about seeing that real need that your family is just not seeing.

As far as your mother is concerned, she truely cannot fulfill your needs, she can bearly care for her own needs. This is not about your worthiness nor is it your responsibility to "fix" her. And because your mother never had the right counceling along with the whole family to create an atmosphere where she COULD FEEL SAFE AND SUPPORTED, you are looking at the end result.

I know this because I lived it myself and the only reason I am gaining and doing better is because I FINALLY GOT THE HELP I NEEDED. And I was really in such a bad state of mind myself because I truely felt I was a burden on my family and that there would never be a way I could convey how much I was struggling. This is very common with people who suffer from PTSD and how they are misunderstood, misdiagnosed and their family treats them in all the wrong ways out of IGNORANCE.

The only way your mother will even hope to heal is if the family around her makes her feel "safe" and loved and are happy with ANY small progress she makes. There should be NO expectations put on her to do ANYTHING other than focus on HER NEEDS AND FOR HER TO GET THE RIGHT THERAPY. Your mother is a VERY lost person who has a huge hole in her that has caused her to be over weight, and very ill. This is not her fault, she has a real condition that she cannot work through or recover from without the right kind of therapy and supportive atmosphere.

The best thing you can do for her is to keep telling her you love her and show her that you are happy for any small effort that she does manage to make. AND that it is ok for her to take her time and no pressure from you.

As far as your father is concerned, he is totally at a loss in how to function around your mother. And most men want to "fix" and they feel like total failures and get very depressed when they cannot just "fix" whatever is wrong. Basically what is happening here is that all of you have stopped living because of the disfunction and confusion and lack of knowing what to do or how to do. And the fact that no one can see YOUR NEEDS is proof that what is taking place is all the focus is now being put on YOUR MOTHER'S NEEDS. There is way too much negetive going on around your mother, and what will help her is her seeing that you are all doing things for yourselves and she is not in the way of that. However at the same time she also has to know that you all love her and support her and are not looking critically at her or judging her and she is NOT a big problem to her family. That is what is driving her into depression and wanting to give up feeling that SHE IS JUST A BURDEN and that all would be better if SHE WAS NOT THE FAILING BURDEN in everyone's way.

This takes time to learn in family therapy, and understanding the person who is suffering and learning HOW to treat them as well as care for and manage your own needs.

So YES what you are seeing a need for, IS DEFINITELY CORRECT. It was only after my husband spent time with my therapist that he finally got a real picture of what I am struggling with and that HE CANNOT FIX ME, ALL HE CAN DO IS GIVE ME SPACE AND TIME SO I CAN HEAL MYSELF with the help of my therapist.

What you are discribing here is a definite LACK in the way we deal with mental illness and the family needs in our society as a whole. And there should be a way for teens like you to get the help they need and not have to feel lost like you are now. That in my opinion is neglect.

Now, I do not know if there is a system set up to actually help teens/children in your situation. But you can talk to your teacher about it and see if together you and her can find some real help for you.

So please be patient with this and keep reaching out for help. You do deserve it, and your whole family does as well.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes