I have to say I agree with ListenMoreTalkLess. Perhaps your T could have been less harsh, but I cannot fault her at all for being angry. And I do think sharing her frustrating can be therapeutic once the edge wears off. You said yourself you wouldn't tolerate this treatment from others. Why, then, do you think it's ok to treat your T this way? Do you really think she should just "put up with this" because she knows your background?

The real question that comes out of that is, how long do you want your behavior to be defined by your background, and at what point do you want to move on to healthy habits?

As a side note, I have had similar conflicts with my T, where I tell him to go away, get mad when he doesn't realize how much trouble I'm really in, he gets upset because he DOES care about me, and is upset because he WANTED to be there but *I* told him to go away. Don't you think maybe this is a sign that T really cares -- that she's frustrated that she can't be there for you when you need her because you expect her to know when you mean "never mind" and "not never mind"? It's a difficult trap for her to navigate: she takes you at your word, and you tell her it means she doesn't care, or she engages in the push-pull interaction that is really unhealthy and instead of encouraging you to ask for what you need, lets you get away with this just to avoid your telling her she doesn't care (because I would guess she DOES care, and probably really doesn't want to hear that she doesn't).

It's true that she should be able to work through this with you, and I hope you do. As a T, she should not hold this over your head, or terminate you, or anything like that. She can't do like an angry friend would do and just stop returning your calls. But she has a right to be angry. Sure, on a personal level, I have friends who do this CONSTANTLY -- e-mail me with pleas for help, and if I don't e-mail back fast enough, I get the "Oh, it's ok, never mind." When people have told me they need help, WITHOUT being passive-aggressive, I will fly across the country, take an unexpected day off work, talk on the phone well into the night. But I (and you, apparently) simply can't tolerate the push-pull dynamic where I am supposed to read a friend's mind and in order to be called "caring" or "helpful."

And it's true, you and your T aren't friends, and it is indeed a different dynamic. But it doesn't work in a professional setting, either -- if your boss told you to go to a conference knowing it was a really bad time for you, then said, "never mind" the night before the conference, you'd feel frustrated and trapped because you don't know if you should go because your boss seemingly wanted you to go up to that point, or if you should take care of all the other stuff you already had on your plate that made it hard for you to go in the first place. You could go, and resent the passive-aggressive e-mail, or you could not go, and risk getting slammed. Kind of a lose-lose.

Anyway, my point is, although I can totally relate to feeling like I just NEED someone to know that I'm not ok when I say I am, also because of childhood stuff, at the same time I know that this is an unfair expectation. Of everyone. Including my T.