Hello - I am new to this site, I have been searching for a abuse forum for years - I am always behind the scenes reading other peoples posts and issues but today I will tell my story. I want to start off by saying I am not leaving my husband, well not now anyway. I just want some type of support system so I dont feel like I am going crazy. I feel like its all my fault and I am just stupid.
My H and I met online back in 2001. We talked on the phone for a few weeks then met. He was amazing, he was handsome and funny and just a great guy. Right off the bat though he would lie to me, he told me he had a car and he didnt. We lived an hour apart so he would take a bus to see me on the weekends, he told me he had a car accident and totaled his car. Well, that was ok with me, he had a job and was so nice and sweet and we all said he was perfect.
The first 4 months were PERFECT. I was 28 years old and so happy I finally met a nice guy. So, I moved out of my parents house, yes at 28 and moved an hour away to be with him. He yelled at me once in those 4 months before I moved in, I spilled wine on my mothers carpet and he got loud with me, I was like OMG. But it didnt happen again for a few months. Once I moved it things changed - I noticed he was cranky. After living with him for 6 months and being together almost a year he proposed to me. I said yes. Things were good, no VERBAL abuse at all. Just crankiness and some yelling when we argued but nothing bad. Then as the years went on things got bad. He would call me names when we argued - ****, ******, dumb, moron, stupid, douche bag. THose are some of the names. I asked him to stop every time, he never does. He says I push him to say those things when we argue.
He likes to yell. He is always right, I am never right. He controls our plans. I control our money but he will find a way to get money or make money behind my back, He has taking out credit cards in my name before. He has a money problem. I come from a VERY VERY VERY CLOSE Italian family, American Italian. We are close, my parents are still married after 44 years and counting, He comes from a abusive home, his mother was an addict so on and so forth. He doesnt like that I am close with my family, he will do things for them though, thats the good in him. He has a big heart. But my family sees how nasty he can be, my mom even got loud with him a few times, my parents love him - they really do, They see past it sometimes. BUT they do NOT know everything, they do not know he calls me names. He belitles me a lot. I am a smart girl, I am not ugly at all, I am chubby though. He calls me fat. He lies a lot right to my face and I stopped catching him out in lies because it just causes fights. I find myself crying alone sometimes when we fight. I tell him I am going to leave and he tells me if you leave dont bother coming back. We bought a house 3 years ago, the only way we could get a house is if we got help, so my Gram gave me my inheritance money early. So here we are in this house, NO KIDS. Why no kids? Two reason, first being we dont have sex a lot, maybe once every 2 months. Its hard for me to be intmiment with him when he calls me names, it takes me a long time to get over it. Second, I dont want to get pregnant either, why do I want kids with a man that has major anger problems. He promissed a million times he would get help, makes excuses all the time. So we tell people I cant get pregnant. I will be 40 next year, I am ok with not having kids, there is a reason for everything. My H will be sitting there watching TV and he will yell if the remote dont work - thats how bad he is, he throws things when he gets mad, he has been through so many cell phones, He also was texting with a girl from high school 2 years ago and they were sexting, to me thats emotional cheating - he said he has needs, I said OK lets work on it, things were great for 2 weeks, like amazing, then he started asking for a Harley Motorcycle which I was so against, well I ended up letting him get one. We have a lot of bills, I am starting a new job in 3 weeks. I have been laid off and need a better job. I know he is a Narissist person. What hurts the most, I love him. But with all the abuse does he love me? all the lying...I need suppport, I need to vent to strangers, I cant talk to friends or family.