I'm so stressed out all the time. I have a two year old and he's really really well behaved. Everyone says so. And it's not even that he is stressful, as much as I am stressed. I feel like I can't handle giving him the one on one attention that he should get. I let him watch tv farely often cause I feel like I just can't handle dealing with him. Everyone who knows me says I'm a great mom, I spend a couple hours playing with him a day, take him outside, feed him balanced diet, work on teaching him shapes and colors etc. But I wish he were dead. Like he would be better off without me being his mom. No, I'm not going to kill him. But I kind of wish he would die under someone elses care, so it wouldn't be my fault. I don't know how to deal with these feelings which makes me feel like an awful parent, which makes it harder to deal with him. My husband and I basically count down the years till he's 18 and won't be our responsibility. If I didn't think it would be traumatic for him (and that my parents would kill me) I think we would probably give him up for adoption. My parents are across the country from us, but we visit with them a few times a year to kind of decompress. Have a break, recharge, and then go in telling ourselves we can do this, we can do this. We wanted a child, we thought we were ready. I didn't know my mental anxiety and depression would interfere so much with my parenting, and my husband had no idea the effect of his abusive childhood on his parenting. I talk to my T a little about it, lately we've been dealing with other family drama issues in therapy though. I want to tell my parents, but I'm scared to let them know. Lately, I've just been trying to make it through the day, hoping that it's just the PMS making it this unbearable right now. I'm so tired of crying and not being able to sleep. I just want to not feel guilty for feeling this way. And I've never heard of anyone feeling this way towards a child that is well behaved. Will this feeling get less intense as he gets older? I'm terrified of my son ever finding out that I feel this way. My mom is coming to visit for two weeks in July, so I'm trying to focus on just making it till then. I don't know how someone can feel this way towards a child and not be a bad parent.